You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relied and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you its okay. But non ones going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you wont be. But you’re still hoping. And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.
“She didn’t need to be softer around the edges or someone she wasn’t in order to be accepted. All she needed to do was stand in her truth, and be who she was.” -Unknown
Be her. Be that woman whose not afraid to be who God created you to be. That woman who is proud to be who you are, and stand in your truth. In a world filled with so many influences, be that woman who finds great pleasure in living out loud and above the influence. That’s how you make an impressionable difference. I’m happy to be a woman who stands in my truth by remaining authentic, honest, and pure hearted in all I do. That’s something I’ll never change for anyone. That’s who people wont forget.
I’ve seen flowers bloom where the sun doesn’t shine And I’ve been missing you lately Because the day just doesn’t seem complete until we’ve talked And I know you’re only a few minutes a way But it seems like a few miles
Every mile for the hours we’ve missed Every kilometer for the hours I’ve missed you Every inch for the smile I couldn’t give you Every centimeter for the way my empty arms are reaching for you And every millimeter for how far away the days seem till the day I can see you again
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, and was baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said ‘amen’ and said ‘I mean.’
I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know … Are you cheating on me?
I look at you and I understand why the sun sets every night so you can sleep. I understand why the moon stays wide awake while watching your chest rise and fall — bathed in it’s glow. I understand how important your presence is in this Universe, and I will spend light- years if need be, to make you believe.