When you’re the only one at the party thats secretly drinking water, but you wanna look the part and not dress like a mom to be lol. Luckily I’m not showing THAT much yet so I can still get away with stuff like this and people not look at me odd. My face kinda says “I don’t wanna be here, but I’m trying to look like I’m having a great time.” rofl. Im almost 20 weeks though and Im anxiously awaiting to see if my belly pops more soon. Then I’ll have an excuse to do what I wanna do right now, which is kick my feet up and lay around in bed while watching Love Island UK (yes, I know, we’re behind and trying to catch up) with my baby daddy.
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word. In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, and was baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said ‘amen’ and said ‘I mean.’
I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but still inside me, coiled deep, was the need to know … Are you cheating on me?